Just Chillin'

So, this Saturday my parents and I went to the Hillbilly Chili Cook Off. My dad maintains that he makes the best chili ever, and wanted to check out what was going on.  I am not a chili fan - but I wanted to see hillbillies.  Mom told me THERE WILL NOT BE ANY HILLBILLIES THERE!  I told her, if I didn't see a hillbilly then the whole thing was a farce, a bait and switch to get my money, and I would DEMAND my three buck entrance fee back.  After that, she still let me their camera. Wanna join us? 

There were tons of volunteer and charity organizations there.  These doggie treats were being sold for $2 a bag by an organization that wants to make sure that every doggie citizen gets rabies and parvo vaccinations no matter the economic circumstances of  his or her owner.  Of course, Dash got a bag. 

This is a taxi.  I bet you knew that.  

And there were crafty things everywhere. The quilting guild was there as were The Dam Knitters, the knitting guild.  I like to think the two guilds begin each meeting plotting the others demise.  Cross stitchers are solitary, and there is no stitchers guild.  Oh, see the lady in the Hawaiian print hoodie? The one with the very stylish purse? Mom. 

Nuns love Lemonade and Funnel Cake! Who doesn't? 

Two boys that will be entering the cutest dog contest.  Dash was not present so could not win, because let's be honest he can't be trusted around chili. 

I did not know there was a International Chili Society. 

This is my favorite picture of the day. According to my Dad, their chili sucked, it was way to sweet, but I gave them my vote anyway  - because girls, and the one boy that is stuck  hanging out with them, DO rock! 

So did I see any hill people,  well not the kind I imagined, but I had a great time. So I got my $3.00 worth so I didn't stage a protest and the entrance. Plus, Officer Dave was there, and I don't want to get a reputation with the local constable. 

In other news, Saturday was just not enough family fun time. Tonight we  went to have dinner with the 'rents. Dash was especially excited as there was talk of German Sausages  ( not brats )  being cooked over an open fire.  You know he is always down for that rustic  country stuff.  He rant into the house said hello to his Opa, searched for his Oma, figured out she was outside, and at top speed ran through the screen door. 

To their credit, my parents were not concerned about the door, just Dash who was perfectly fine and not phased at all by the experience, the corner of the screen is ripped, and currently there is a perfect Dash sized  fully functioning doggie door.  

Stay on the road, keep clear of the moors..

I am loving my life in the wilderness.  We have a routine, in the morning Dash and I  (because you know we do everything together) go out in our pj's, we check the water  in the birdbath, we check the feeder, we throw something out for the deer, as well as our turtle. If the animals started helping me clean house or sewing me a dress, I wouldn't be completely surprised. It's all very Disney.

But, because there is always a but isn't there? Like the stories that Disney bases a lot of it's stories on, there is a dark side. A very dark side -- and I mean that literally. At night it is pitch black here, and while it makes for amazing star gazing, it's a little jarring sometimes.

Last night Dash and I went out for his last "business meeting" of the day. And I hear a howl. A howl that sounds exactly like the howl in American Werewolf In London.  ( instant view on  Netflix - the first howl happens at 13 minutes, way before anyone's face gets ripped off, in case you want to hear it... and trust me it was EXACTLY like that, I compared. And by the way, the 2nd chess player in The Slaughtered Lamb is none other then Rik Mayall from The Young Ones, which I loved!)   Now, I'm a right thinking girl, I  KNOW that it's the dog across the street, he's a bigger dog and everything here  echoes.

But inside I think, "Ah, shit David, what is that?"

I hear the howl again, and there is a crunch in the woods.  Dash's tail  goes straight up, and we hear the howl a third time.  I immediately look around for Griffin Dunne, because if someone is going down in a werewolf attack , it's not going to be me.  I gather up Dash,  we go inside and I stare out the sliding glass door, wondering if it could hold back this:

I think I  relived every horror movie  I had ever seen, and you know I have seen a lot of them.

You would think that my night of fright would have taught me a lesson.  NOPE! Guess who watched a delightful little horror movie called The Seamstress today.  Oh come, on!  If you did cross stitch and it was on, you would have watched it too.  It had Lance Henriksen in it, so you know it had a real Pumpkinhead feel to it.  There was lots and lots of wilderness.

So tonight, when Dash and I go out so he can conduct his last business meeting, I am sure I will hear a twig snap, or something running in the woods, I'll be thinking The Seamstress, Pumpkinhead, Michael Meyers, Freddie Krueger,  Jason Voorhees are out there - and I'm pretty sure they'll be able to get in... and I haven't even stopped to consider zombies.

By the way, An American Werewolf In London, totally holds up. I watched that this afternoon  too.

Blood Sport

As some of you may or may not know, I live in the heart of the Ozarks, and it's a sportsman's paradise.  Outside Magazine and Field and Stream always have my home ranked as one of the top fishing areas in the country as well as for other outdoor sports.  Having said all of that, while I did enjoy the occasional day out with the rod and reel when I was a kid,  I don't fish, trap, or  hunt in the conventional sense, but that doesn't mean I'm not a sportsman.  I hunt a different kinda game and I learned it all from my mom.  I'm talking garage sales.  That's right, Mom and I hunt big game.

Honestly, I'm a just learning,  Mom is a pro. She gets the paper, she makes a map, she's familiar with the neighborhoods and territories, we have a plan, she packs water and occasionally a lunch and we stop at the liquor store on the way home.

My favorites are estate sales ( Mom is on the mailing lists of several companies that host them ) Not only do you get to tour an occasional hoarder house, ( seriously, I have seen an entire closet stuffed with Cling -Wrap - twenty five cents a roll by the way.) it's interesting to see someone else's  possessions all together, you get a sense of who they were - and I try to think of them not being dead.

Here's the deal with my Mom. Her hobbies include knitting, gardening and sniping.  When I got here I really needed kitchen stuff, and it was my Mother's goal to get me set up in the kitchen so I could cook healthier meals. Her friend Martha was moving, we went to her house to check things out, and Mom was supposed to tell Martha  that her friend Becky wanted a specific lamp. Guess what?  Mom liked that lamp to - so she bought it for herself.  Yeah,  she's pretty cut throat and apparently has a reputation. Becky wasn't surprised to hear she got sniped and luckily found another lap.

Mom is also a good negotiator. How else would I get all this:

for $20. Yeah, quite the steal. However, as nice as my casserole dishes, pots, and mixing bowls are,there was something I fell in love with, a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco.

These pictures  do not do the horse justice. It was $20, and I had the cash - but honestly, what am I going to do with a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco?  I have other places that I have to put my money towards. But how I loved this horse.

I would leave it, come back, leave it, come back - over and over again ... because I really wanted to get him. Foolishly,  I called my mother over and showed her she was not impressed.  "yeah, it's nice." Her tone implied that it was not nice at all  "but you don't need that." And she walked away.  Part of my mom's charm is that she speaks the truth. I did not need a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco, so I packed up and  put my new kitchen stuffs in the car. 

When I came back in my mom says "do you have ten dollars? I'm a little short."  Of course, I'm going to help my mother. She snatched that cash out of my hand at lightning speed and said "I'm buying that horse you like!" 

Becky actually gasped.  It was, GASP! "I can't believe you are doing that to your daughter!"  

Mom cackled. It was an actual cackle. Witchery runs in the family, and a certain someone was rather pleased with herself.  "Well, I looked at it again, and it really is gorgeous.  I love the colors, and you don't need it - and I do." 

She totally sniped me! HER OWN DAUGHTER, wait,  HER ONLY CHILD!  AND SHE WAS PROUD!  She packed up my carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco and laughed the entire  ride home. I'd give her some side eye and she just laughed harder.

She is the master and maybe now you know where I get it from.






PS.  Guess what I got for my birthday?  I'll give you a hint - it's carved, wooden and it's from Morocco.

I lurve turtles

I do like me some reptiles and amphibians.  I just didn't expect that they'd be crawling in my yard.  Two nights ago we had a frog encounter  ( yes I kissed  but I swear  NO TONGUE.  I don't care what that damn frog says! )  And today, there is a turtle out there.  

I am a little concerned.  The drought is affecting the animals here, and I am concerned this little dude is not getting enough food, so I put some lettuce out there for him. Maybe he will remember and I can put some more out there.  

Hey little dude, what happened to your shell? 

I wish you could here him crunching on the leaves. 

I an fighting with my inner five year old who wants to keep him as a pet. 

and now a word from ...

Dear Friends, 

It took awhile but I got the girl to give me control, at least for a moment of her blog. You know how she is about these things, she hates sharing it - and the same goes for pork chops, just try and get one of those when she's around. 

When I was told we were leaving and moving to the country, I thought I was going to be a dog of leisure.  I pictured a life of basking in the sunshine, strolling our estate etc ... Well let me tell you, that is NOT happening.  I am not a dog of gentility, I am a WORKING man. 

First,  there are the things that just stroll into our yard just as big as you please. The tramp through the yard, they "conduct their business"  in the yard, and just mess up the place. Of course the girl encourages all of this! She feeds them! She puts 2 jugs of water in each of our birdbaths every night, so "our bird friends and deer friends can drink."  It's like she doesn't see the blue jays attacking me EVERY TIME we go out.  I do my best to gather up the food she leaves out for the "deer", but she always catches me. Doesn't she see me marking  every place they go? It's a warning that she and they ignore. 

Then there is the thing she calls the 'armadillo' . He comes out at night. He digs holes in my yard, I've seen him out there, he's been out when we've been out for our late night stuff ... he is slow. I could catch him and I do my best to try, but you know who pulls my leash and says "NO!! THEY HAVE LEPROSY!'  I'm not really sure what that means, but if "crazy" has anything to do with it, well let me tell you something lady, it's catching. 

The girl will tell you I sleep harder now ... because I am working my ass off!  I am dodging "blue jays"  trying to keep "deer" of the property, hunting "armadillos"  and I won't even mention the turkey vulture and that other big bird that think it's a-okay to come on my property ... and did I mention squirrels?  Since the house is bigger my nightly patrols are a little longer, and I swear every once in awhile I see a strange, but very handsome dog in what she calls a "mirror" He needs to get out of my house!  So yeah, I sleep more. 

I also bark more, because there is a lot to bark about. I like to alert her when something is going on in the yard, and since she is "cooking" now, I feel that I need to comment, even though she ignores me. Come on, what was with that cauliflower pizza  experiment, that was never going to work.  My warnings feel on deaf ears.  And sometimes I need to say a few things to my Oma too.     We go over there for dinners on Sundays, and she always gives me some lecture about how I shouldn't  jump up on her pants, because they are new, my paws are dirty ... blah blah blah ... finally I just said, "I'm jumping up on you to give you some doggie sugar! Geesh woman, let's get this over with?"  She started to laugh, like I had never said anything to her before - and then remember I hadn't. So I said a few more things... like could she give me some ham, because  the girl again ... not big on sharing pork products. 

All in all, and please don't tell the girl this, I really like it here. I have things to do, I like taking care of the property.  I love seeing my Opa and Oma - and the girl seems a lot happier too - that makes me happy too. 

I'll fill you in on more later ... 

Yours truly,

Little Man 

Photo Friday - Countryside

The countryside just happens to be in my backyard - I told you there was a wild peacock.  Check out more Photo Friday!

Arkansas M and the Kitchen of Doom

Want to know what else is a new thing  that's happening here? 

I AM COOKING! 

I KNOW!  I can't believe it either! 

Since I am on the weight thing, I've decided to try healthier meals, and things have been... interesting.  So I decided to take a few pictures of my last creation.  Cauliflower pizza.  And you know what? How open minded am I ? I don't like cauliflower, but I think if combined with the right ingredients I will like it. Here I come Cauliflower Pizza Bites... 

My ingredients 

2 cups grated cauliflower

1/2 cup egg substitute

1 cup 1% cottage cheese 

oregano

parsley

garlic salt

black pepper

turkey pepperoni 

So you know shredding cauliflower, not so easy ... and your going to do the whole head of cauliflower. 

Then you have to fry up the cauliflower till it's translucent.  Beware it kinda smells. 

Take all the other ingredients and through them in the blender! And yes, that is a NEW blender. Please ignore the speakers in the back, I was listening to my itunes on the computer. One can dance and cook at the same time. 

Liquify that stuff ... and by the way, I am not a fan of cottage cheese either. But, this is new stuff - and combined it will be good. It's just a healthy pizza alternative, and I do love pizza 

Then you just put it in your cupcake tin and add that turkey pepperoni. Bake at 450 - for about 30 minutes  and  TA DAH!!! 

Cauliflower Pizza ! 

And you know what?  Cauliflower and cottage cheese? I wasn't making that shit up, I don't like them.  They taste worse blended together.  I spent an hour doing all this, taking pictures because I was going to brag about myself and all I got was YUCK. 

However, I'm living with no regrets, I tried something healthy and it didn't work out - it will next time.  I just have to avoid cauliflower.  The deer liked it, Dash was happy to have a turkey pepperoni treat and I learned sometimes you just have to go with Pizza Hut.