Stay on the road, keep clear of the moors..

I am loving my life in the wilderness.  We have a routine, in the morning Dash and I  (because you know we do everything together) go out in our pj's, we check the water  in the birdbath, we check the feeder, we throw something out for the deer, as well as our turtle. If the animals started helping me clean house or sewing me a dress, I wouldn't be completely surprised. It's all very Disney.

But, because there is always a but isn't there? Like the stories that Disney bases a lot of it's stories on, there is a dark side. A very dark side -- and I mean that literally. At night it is pitch black here, and while it makes for amazing star gazing, it's a little jarring sometimes.

Last night Dash and I went out for his last "business meeting" of the day. And I hear a howl. A howl that sounds exactly like the howl in American Werewolf In London.  ( instant view on  Netflix - the first howl happens at 13 minutes, way before anyone's face gets ripped off, in case you want to hear it... and trust me it was EXACTLY like that, I compared. And by the way, the 2nd chess player in The Slaughtered Lamb is none other then Rik Mayall from The Young Ones, which I loved!)   Now, I'm a right thinking girl, I  KNOW that it's the dog across the street, he's a bigger dog and everything here  echoes.

But inside I think, "Ah, shit David, what is that?"

I hear the howl again, and there is a crunch in the woods.  Dash's tail  goes straight up, and we hear the howl a third time.  I immediately look around for Griffin Dunne, because if someone is going down in a werewolf attack , it's not going to be me.  I gather up Dash,  we go inside and I stare out the sliding glass door, wondering if it could hold back this:

I think I  relived every horror movie  I had ever seen, and you know I have seen a lot of them.

You would think that my night of fright would have taught me a lesson.  NOPE! Guess who watched a delightful little horror movie called The Seamstress today.  Oh come, on!  If you did cross stitch and it was on, you would have watched it too.  It had Lance Henriksen in it, so you know it had a real Pumpkinhead feel to it.  There was lots and lots of wilderness.

So tonight, when Dash and I go out so he can conduct his last business meeting, I am sure I will hear a twig snap, or something running in the woods, I'll be thinking The Seamstress, Pumpkinhead, Michael Meyers, Freddie Krueger,  Jason Voorhees are out there - and I'm pretty sure they'll be able to get in... and I haven't even stopped to consider zombies.

By the way, An American Werewolf In London, totally holds up. I watched that this afternoon  too.

Blood Sport

As some of you may or may not know, I live in the heart of the Ozarks, and it's a sportsman's paradise.  Outside Magazine and Field and Stream always have my home ranked as one of the top fishing areas in the country as well as for other outdoor sports.  Having said all of that, while I did enjoy the occasional day out with the rod and reel when I was a kid,  I don't fish, trap, or  hunt in the conventional sense, but that doesn't mean I'm not a sportsman.  I hunt a different kinda game and I learned it all from my mom.  I'm talking garage sales.  That's right, Mom and I hunt big game.

Honestly, I'm a just learning,  Mom is a pro. She gets the paper, she makes a map, she's familiar with the neighborhoods and territories, we have a plan, she packs water and occasionally a lunch and we stop at the liquor store on the way home.

My favorites are estate sales ( Mom is on the mailing lists of several companies that host them ) Not only do you get to tour an occasional hoarder house, ( seriously, I have seen an entire closet stuffed with Cling -Wrap - twenty five cents a roll by the way.) it's interesting to see someone else's  possessions all together, you get a sense of who they were - and I try to think of them not being dead.

Here's the deal with my Mom. Her hobbies include knitting, gardening and sniping.  When I got here I really needed kitchen stuff, and it was my Mother's goal to get me set up in the kitchen so I could cook healthier meals. Her friend Martha was moving, we went to her house to check things out, and Mom was supposed to tell Martha  that her friend Becky wanted a specific lamp. Guess what?  Mom liked that lamp to - so she bought it for herself.  Yeah,  she's pretty cut throat and apparently has a reputation. Becky wasn't surprised to hear she got sniped and luckily found another lap.

Mom is also a good negotiator. How else would I get all this:

for $20. Yeah, quite the steal. However, as nice as my casserole dishes, pots, and mixing bowls are,there was something I fell in love with, a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco.

These pictures  do not do the horse justice. It was $20, and I had the cash - but honestly, what am I going to do with a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco?  I have other places that I have to put my money towards. But how I loved this horse.

I would leave it, come back, leave it, come back - over and over again ... because I really wanted to get him. Foolishly,  I called my mother over and showed her she was not impressed.  "yeah, it's nice." Her tone implied that it was not nice at all  "but you don't need that." And she walked away.  Part of my mom's charm is that she speaks the truth. I did not need a carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco, so I packed up and  put my new kitchen stuffs in the car. 

When I came back in my mom says "do you have ten dollars? I'm a little short."  Of course, I'm going to help my mother. She snatched that cash out of my hand at lightning speed and said "I'm buying that horse you like!" 

Becky actually gasped.  It was, GASP! "I can't believe you are doing that to your daughter!"  

Mom cackled. It was an actual cackle. Witchery runs in the family, and a certain someone was rather pleased with herself.  "Well, I looked at it again, and it really is gorgeous.  I love the colors, and you don't need it - and I do." 

She totally sniped me! HER OWN DAUGHTER, wait,  HER ONLY CHILD!  AND SHE WAS PROUD!  She packed up my carved wooden rocking horse from Morocco and laughed the entire  ride home. I'd give her some side eye and she just laughed harder.

She is the master and maybe now you know where I get it from.






PS.  Guess what I got for my birthday?  I'll give you a hint - it's carved, wooden and it's from Morocco.

I lurve turtles

I do like me some reptiles and amphibians.  I just didn't expect that they'd be crawling in my yard.  Two nights ago we had a frog encounter  ( yes I kissed  but I swear  NO TONGUE.  I don't care what that damn frog says! )  And today, there is a turtle out there.  

I am a little concerned.  The drought is affecting the animals here, and I am concerned this little dude is not getting enough food, so I put some lettuce out there for him. Maybe he will remember and I can put some more out there.  

Hey little dude, what happened to your shell? 

I wish you could here him crunching on the leaves. 

I an fighting with my inner five year old who wants to keep him as a pet.